I’ve made a simple decision. As an artist you do or don’t And cry on.the death because you didn’t. Ia m putting my creative talents to service and educate the cultural and social revolution. This blog is no longer a thing to have cause I need to be cool too. Fuck cool. Been accepted to be featured at the 2017 Willamette gorge art festival. A woman that I would give my life for did what Is why I decided to trust her. Because I struggle with mental illness…. Bipolar II and PTSD and I’m also officially an epileptic with just a frosting of neurosis. Plus heroin addiction. Doesn’t matter how long I’ve been clean. Been close to a decade. Anyways. A guilt and want to be a true artist exposed causes me to freely discuss.
Anyways. What happens if an insecurity presents itself and then is punished for it? It has been for 2 weeks meaning complete cut off of communication and not wanting to hear about it…..yeah that’s not going.to help. This invites more of a jealousy tinged mopiness which then means no sex because it’s extremely unnattractive for which I’m all about owning. Her? Yeaaaaahhhhh. Um. I do the best that I believe I should do and calmly.tell her my shit is flaring up and please if she could just tell me she loves me and do what she knows will chill me out. But she gets livid. And reduced our communication to ONLY texting….. And I say fuck that. Its not about one of us it’s about the both of us and correct fucking conflict resolution which she would rather….. Who fucking knows man. And Goddamnit. Oh my god. It fucking hurts. More than I’ve ever been therefore that is a que to.move to the weather forecast or something I stopped giving a damn wait…what’s going on. Cut. Please. Or line for Christ’s sake. Heh.
- There Is a lot of shit that I dont need a few thousand people knowing. But i am like.a mania ridden lama that cries to.sleep every night and like a whimpy and holy crap….. So much shit is going to be finishing up.this year meaning with all my creative endeavors. I’m going to film school and going to start doing surrealist poetic Its nice to crawl out of this rat shit ranky gutter of my mind for however long I can stay out. Everytimeb I try to run I trip and the demons drag me back or I fall.and knock myself out and dot to the 3x if you don’t dig maybe you should read a blog not created and curated by a crazy genius linguist tech of beauty knowledge and societys need. I know when I deserve something. This here what has been the last few weeks I did not Its so fucked.up.and torturous which Fuck yeah she knows that’s why man. I’m 32. I’ve always dated I guess the same tribe members of the b word plural. But I wish she would just tell me. So Fuck all that. Fuck my invocation of such cunty behavior. Apparently, she’s been fucking another dude and made sure to drive into my defunct mind equalling reality if I think about it.
- Out of all this criminal class publishing as well as subversive media from Chicago is flying out to see me to discuss and write a business plan for our production company..I’m going to get my experimental film teaching and film scoring creds and then do PSU’s outdoor program for which I will, once finished be given an awesome job of travel paid multiple day group guides.Oh yeah and the zine coming out. But I miss my woman still. I miss her so fucking much.