why

So I have some great news. I got offered a $16,000 scholarship to the pacific northwest college of arts to enroll into their new sound art program. I didnt even ask for it, and I was sure that I had gotten the boot anyways, and was really bumbed about my convictions because I have been working doing everything to be accepted into that school for the last 5 months or so. Just got the letter last night. I start a month from yesterday. I am too tired right now to explain how extremely badass this is for me, and its like my dreams coming true. And I did feel some embarrassment about starting at the age of 28, but now I’m just thinking its the perfect time. I just spent ten years in the underground art scene of portland, and I did some sick shit. Over 300 poems published all over the world, a book written and published and was being sold at powells and stuff. I was in band that got signed and put out a record that I am very proud of still today. I guess if you were to put Hum and At The Drive In together that is what we kind of were like. We were called the only band to make shoegazer music heavy in a magazine. And as an artist, those are the things I love hearing. We toured the country. I traveled by myself to read at a 3 day poetry festival with some very big poets. And those big poets liked me. I think everyone who digs poetics HAS to own their own copy of the latest edition of the American Outlaw Bible of Poetry. Thick as fuck, man. Everyone from 2pac to emily dickenson plus a section for the group of poets I read with called the Carma Bumbs. Terrible name for a…poetry band, I guess is what they were, or I guess performance art band of poets. One of them, S.A. Griffin, is an actor out of LA and I totally recognized him from national lampoons vegas vacation. Some reading this has to have seen it, do you, certain reader(s), remember when russ gets questioned about his fake ID by the security guard? Mr Papageorgio? The security guard? well anyways thats S. A. God, the weed there sucked so bad. In Kansas City, thank god I brought a quarter ounce of some extremely primo piney smelling buds with me. This was like 4 years ago, definitely in my prime of starving artist living in inner southeast portland. we would throw the monday fun day after parties every week at this huge house we were squatting at for the summer, but then one night I got beat down like a motherfucker by about 5 guys, broke my cheek bone when a steal boot just PINK!!! right below my eye, but I was like the joker man, haha. I had blood gushing from my face and I got up and said “I’m just gettin started assholes, muahahaha!!” and it freaked em out. and then the cops showed up, and my friend kevin through me in some bushes, came back and got me after they were gone, took me back to our place and cleaned me up, and the next day, my friend marcus, was a doctor that had his own really fancy family practice out by parkrose and he treated me and gave me some pain killers for free. yeah this is was all during my ride into drug addicted hell. Or, I was there, yep. Stopped having the parties though. But some hardcore gangster dudes that had just come off the street for 6 years told me to leave one day for a few hours and that he was going to take care of the guys that hurt me, and all I know when I got back he said “you wont have to worry about them no more, dog, i’m sorry I wasnt around when this happened”. even though I cant really talk further about it, thats a cool friend to have, when you are living that wild lifestyle….. I slept on a pool table. hell yeah. hell NO. the onlly good thing i remember about that time is great bbq’s. It has gotten bad, very bad in my life, but I was still writing and submitting poems and writing songs and getting published. I think I might have one copy of something I have been in, but I dont even have a copy of my fucking book. Which was in a way about all that stuff, that time. The journals and poems while in a treatment facility treating both a complete breakdown, and a nasty heroin addiction. sober 2 1/2 years. we’re good. and this is prolly the only time I will say this, but I damn well deserved that scholarship. I worked my ass off to get it alone, and then through the years, getting my education from the ultimate teacher, life experience. But oh my god, I am so thankful I got accepted. Life changing. And I’m gonna eat everything up. I have a five year plan, and then I will have my masters. And be a mad scientist professor of something involving writing or aesthetics or of course art theory, but I’m an abstract expressionist, So I would tell everyone to be not following these rules and shit.

 

Cassettes…. man, you know, when I found out, a few years back, that tapes were becoming hip again, I thought it was dumbest fucking thing I had ever experienced. And but now, I’m a total cassette releasing artist. But my reasoning is nothing like these other east side kids that I was living with and hanging out with. They were just artistic imperialists from so cal, not even old enough to remember the mixtape days, and they are making music on their macbooks and putting it out on tape. “Its got this distinct fuzz kinda sound man”. What the fuck dude? yeah you try to avoid that. And your making it trendy, bastards. read this weeks mercury or WWeek. eating it up. I have been studying about the cassette underground and found that there is in fact a lovely market at least in the northwest of the new vinyl shops popping up everywhere, they are all about supporting local artists, but you bring them a bunch of cd’s and they will keel over laughing pointing at the door. Come in with some Cassettes, yeah they will sell them for ya. They are the runt of the analogue pack. I am not an elitist, being one now days only screws you. I’m like, take the good from all thats out there to offer. dont limit yourself. But hey, I loved, so much, making mixtapes, and recording band practice on my step dads old tascam 4 track, and I dont know, I loved it. Besides, the less something starts to be produced, its value goes up up up just a tad over time. Gnar Tapes, heh god. They offered me a spoken word release deal, haha. and I was down, I wont lie. but then a few weeks later i hit the rocky bottom that it is. and left town for a long time. 

that festival i went to, to read at, was mostly because I was going to hopefully hook up with this one female poet that lived there, totally artsy hot, you feel me? smart. very clever. damn good poet. and I was sure it was gonna happen. and then I show up and find she is engaged. two days on the greyhound. and it was my birthday rolling into KC at 8am 4 hours late i came puttin in. it was like, ‘are you serious?’ and then he apparently went insane after I had left and she was telling me about if only I lived in KC. thats what I get though. murphy’s law in life. I was going to write my own art manifesto on this post based off questions in this book, but I am so tired, so I just wanted to come on and write to write. the pen I have right now is very uncomfortable, too hard and rough, I need soft and silky for a pen. and I’m falling asleep at the keyboard. dont take me off your following list please! i know I havent been writing much but it seriously has been because I have been making a killer portfolio of work and had to write some essays to get in. still cant believe it. I didnt even ask for it! guess that just happens when you rock it. But this is my life now. 110% commitment. no room for anything else really. because I am also going to be doing lectures and busting skills on first thursdays in the galleries. its so cool, you get to fully be involved and have yourself a gallery show a few months after starting. Usually when school comes, its like, “ok, no rock starring it up for another 4 or 5 years.” But its like, you are accepted into a community of artists and get all these opportunities. 30 grand a term. so fancy schmancy. Its all good. No price on knowledge and this is…. very big deal. And who knows, maybe I just might end up amazing. Goodbye, I will be posting more kinds of art like collage pieces and tracks of recordings and writing too. I just needed to throw some language down, had been a while. night